Topical..

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sherri
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Re: Topical..

Post by sherri » Fri Mar 13, 2020 9:40 am

Good grief you're ready for a siege. Lol.

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Re: Topical..

Post by champion. » Fri Mar 13, 2020 11:43 am

sherri wrote:
Fri Mar 13, 2020 9:40 am
Good grief you're ready for a siege. Lol.
:lol: :lol: :lol: She bought them in just in case her or my family need some (that's her story) :roll:.... And as predicted she went an got two more this morning and I'm going to give them to my elderly neighbour... How kind am I eh :lol:
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Re: Topical..

Post by sherri » Fri Mar 13, 2020 9:32 pm

That's kind of you, champ.
Where did your wife even find TP? Ours has been off the shelves for 2 weeks unless you line up at 6am opening time and rush it (which i haven't done but will eventually have to, I guess)

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Re: Topical..

Post by champion. » Fri Mar 13, 2020 10:24 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: She gets them from anywhere she can, some shops have none and the odd one have lots.... Mind you she gets in a lot of shops :lol:

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Re: Topical..

Post by champion. » Sat Mar 14, 2020 7:52 pm

Just in case we run out of toilet rolls (which I doubt) champ does it again.. My wife's one lucky lady =D>

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Re: Topical..

Post by sherri » Sun Mar 15, 2020 12:15 am

You're the toilet king, champ. :lol:

I went shopping yesterday. Got there at 8.40am (Aldi doors open at 8.30am). The queues were already right down the store at the checkouts so i took my time wandering with my trolley. But even so, the queues were just as bad when i was ready to leave. Took photos. Hard to see, but this is 2 queues. There were 4. I had been waiting 15 minutes by this stage.

The shops just exploded with shoppers yesterday. I have never seen anything like it. We are told not to panic but then on TV one of the advisers admitted supplies will break down and more items will go into shortage. No wonder people are buying up.
On the other hand, been a long time since I have seen people so happy with purchasing a pack of TP. The queues were good natured, even jovial as everyone got a pack. :D
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Re: Topical..

Post by andysfootball » Sun Mar 15, 2020 2:33 am

people down south have been stocking up with toilet paper

people in scotland have been licking door handles for the chance of 2 weeks off
STAY CALM AND SANDDANCE ON

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Re: Topical..

Post by champion. » Sun Mar 15, 2020 8:57 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: Topical..

Post by champion. » Sun Mar 15, 2020 4:54 pm

Shelves were just about back to normal this morning with loo rolls, but you can't get pasta now :lol:

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Re: Topical..

Post by sherri » Mon Mar 16, 2020 10:30 am

Champ that looks amazing. Stock isn't getting onto shelves here. People line up to get handed a pack.
No pasta rice frozen veggies or mince meat unless you are lucky.
I had some more joke stuff to put up but my computer has either died or in need of rescuscitation at least. Cant access.
Hate the phone but better than nothing.

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Re: Topical..

Post by champion. » Tue Mar 17, 2020 2:19 pm

Hope you get your computer sorted sherri :wink:

Not that bad at the moment
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Re: Topical..

Post by champion. » Tue Mar 17, 2020 2:25 pm

This morning, back to empty loo roll shelf :roll:

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Re: Topical..

Post by Beachbum » Fri Mar 20, 2020 3:13 am

Trying to get home from Panama.
They have closed all the airports for a month.
All booze sales are prohibited country wide.
Shoot me now.

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Re: Topical..

Post by champion. » Fri Mar 20, 2020 12:46 pm

Beachbum wrote:
Fri Mar 20, 2020 3:13 am

All booze sales are prohibited country wide.
Shoot me now.
Just passed a pub and seen this😂

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Re: Topical..

Post by champion. » Sat Mar 21, 2020 11:21 pm

Well with all the pubs closing now i think its time to invest in one of these bad boys

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Last edited by champion. on Sun Mar 22, 2020 8:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Topical..

Post by sherri » Sun Mar 22, 2020 2:50 am

This is from another message board. One of the women wrote it but gave permission for us to share her poems. She is actually a published author of children's books & hasn't done a bad job on the poems I think.
Old Blue’s Coronavirus Cure.



I met me mate, Old Blue, today. He said “I’m pretty sure,

I’ve stumbled on the ultimate Coronavirus cure.

Hearing the dire predictions of the medical advisers

I went and bought meself a heap of them there sanitisers.

I lined ‘em up in one long row upon the kitchen table,

And checked out the ingredients on every flamin label

And that was when it came to me – a flash of revelation

I’d found a simple answer to this dire situation

For never mind the iso-glyco-etha-bloody-nol

Every single one of them was based on alcohol

It’s plain therefore this virus, thing don’t care about your skin,

An unprotected gut is what will let the bug*er in.

So if you want to save your health and keep your system clear

Forget the sanitiser, mate - just have another beer.”

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Re: Topical..

Post by sherri » Sun Mar 22, 2020 2:51 am

The Literary Dunny

You’ve heard no doubt, the news about
The current bog roll panic,
With fights in shops and calls to cops
And bogans going manic.
Me old mate, Blue, was in a stew
He didn’t find it funny,
That all around no shop he found
With bogroll for his dunny.

He sat alone upon the ‘throne’
In silent desperation,
But then at last there came a blast -
A flash of inspiration.
“Well b*gger me,” he cried with glee
“I’ll fix those theivin’ crooks.
To wipe me crack I’ll just change tack –
And get meself some books.’

With footsteps light at dead of night
He hit the town library,
And helped himself off every shelf
With speed extraordinary.
Then home he crept while others slept
Triumphant and quite blasé
And quickly took each stolen book
And stashed them in the khazi

“And now” he said “they’ll all be read
By me, when on the loo
And when I’m done, to clean me bum
I’ll use a page or two.
I’ve books that that tease and books that please,
And books would shock a parson
But, stone the crows, who sees or knows
Which words I wipe me a**e on?

The library’s shock to find their stock
So cruelly depleted
Was plain to all – as was their call
That justice out be meted.
The South West Times deplored the crimes,
And called for retribution
But sly old Blue had left no clue,
So dodged a prosecution

The only bloke in on the joke
Is me – and there’s no money
Could tempt me to dob in Old Blue
And his literary dunny.
-----------------------

Ah well, she is giving us all a bit of a laugh.

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Re: Topical..

Post by champion. » Sun Mar 22, 2020 3:00 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: nice, so is that where blues been hiding in the bog :lol:

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Re: Topical..

Post by champion. » Sun Mar 22, 2020 3:12 pm

Sing to the tune of Gloria Gaynor's "I will survive"

At 1st I was afraid, I was petrified,
There was no loo roll down at Aldi and I nearly cried.
Oh I spent so many nights just thinking how you did me wrong,
I used to wipe,
And now I’m forced to just drip dry !
No anti-bac !
No bloody soap,
and if you think you’re buying pasta well you’ve got no bloody hope !
I would have bought that box of eggs, I would have rationed out my bread,
If I’d have known for just one second everyone would lose their head !
Go on now go, walk out the door !
All you bloody stockpilers,
You are not welcome any more !
Weren’t you the ones who just bought all the sodding beans ?
You selfish gits !
I hope you spill them down your jeans !
Oh no not I, I won’t panic buy!
Oh as long as I have alcohol, I know I’ll stay alive,
Though I can’t buy my usual cheese,
This will not bring me to my knees
And I’ll survive, I will survive, hey, hey !
It took all the strength I had not to fall apart,
There was just apples and 1 carrot in my shopping cart,
And I spent hours walking round just feeling sorry for myself,
The empty store, with boxes strewn across the floor
And you’ll see me, somebody who,
Cannot buy anything she came for, and it’s all down to fecking you
And frickin Reg from down the road is such a selfish blimmin git
Because he stockpiled all the loo roll so nobody else can have a s@*t !
Go on now go, walk out the door !
All you bloody stockpilers,
You are not welcome any more!
Weren’t you ones who just bought all the sodding cakes
Can’t you make a crumble,
Do you people not know how to bake ?
Oh no not I, I won’t panic buy !
Oh as long as I have alcohol, I know I’ll stay alive,
Though I can’t buy my usual cheese
This will not bring me to my knees
And I’ll survive, I will survive !
:lol:

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Re: Topical..

Post by champion. » Sun Mar 22, 2020 8:48 pm

Time to do a quick shop at Tesco....
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