Conversations on planes

[Pilot]

On longer flights my wife and I quickly put on earphones and listen to music to escape people who drone on at you, but on shorter flights like a recent one from Newcastle to jersey we didn't bother. Big mistake this woman next to my wife took a big deep breath on take off and hardly shut up for an hour, we got her life story first but then in a surprise twist she started on about fox hunting in jersey, now you may not know but there are no foxes on the island of jersey, however this doesn't stop the good people of jersey from fox hunting they scent up some rags and drag it through the countryside so the hounds can track and the good people of jersey follow. Now what do they use for scent ? Fox urine of course, I didn't ask where they got it from or how they harvested it, but without hardly stopping to take breath all was explained, they import the urine from the USA ! Of course seems logical, thankfully they announced we would be landing in 10 minutes before she got around to telling us how they actually collect the urine
Has anyone been subjected to a better conversation on a plane.

[jeff]

Not sure if it was the first or second time we returned from Oz, but we had a most obnoxious character sat next to us. We try and get an aisle seat if possible to help with mobility for us both (wonky knees!).

We had just settled into our seats at Tullamarine (Melbourne) and there was a spare seat by the window, so we thought , hey ho we shall have a bit more room. Not so. Right at the last possible minute some bloke staggered into the cabin looking for his seat. He had spent most of the day in the bar, having arrived early at Melbourne on an internal connecting flight.

He spent some time drinking and then towards supper time he advised us all that he was hungry and wasn't it time for the food.
Some passengers quite near obviously had special diets and were served before us.
That did not deter him. He said to me..."That woman across there,she looks ad thopugh shes finished, but she's left quite a bit of food...I'm starving, can you ask her if I can finish off her meal?" "No way mate. If you want it you ask for it!"

A little later he went to sleep, but had a can of coke in the cup holder/tray in front of him. He woke up with a bit of a start, brought his knees up and knocked the coke can all over OH lap. He was quite embarrassed at this and spent the rest of the flight to Singapore in the galley chatting up the lady stewards.

Thankfully he had to change seats from Singapore to Dubai and from Dubai to London we had fortunately been able to do an upgrade, by kind permission of some very good friends who had given us some air miles.

We saw no more of him until he disapeared into the distance at Heathrow, oblivious of all and sundry and the fuss he had caused in the first place.

[andysfootball]

sorry jeff I did have a few that day!

[champion.]

[ralph]

It is years since I have been anywhere on a plane, I'm more usually to be found using the train between London and Newcastle. I can quite understand the irritation of people subjected a continuous monologue on a long journey, especially if you are travelling in company. That said, if you are travelling alone, a little light conversation with a fellow traveller can often be welcome and make the journey seem much shorter. My pet hate is to get stuck opposite someone who turns the table into a desk, and spends the journey tapping away on their laptop computer or staring at their smart phone, which of course they have every entitlement to do, but it can make three hours seem like five.

[Pilot]

We fly between 16 and 20 times a year and the one item you must have are earphones, music is optional but stick the earphones on anyway, I,m not antisocial but you get some strange people on planes and they are usually the ones who can't shut up.

[andysfootball]

surely pilot you have mentioned your pension to a few fellow passengers

[Pilot]

i use Mrs P as a sort of buffer zone as often as i can grabbing the window seat as far as pensions are concerned i like to keep people in the dark they probably just think i won the lotto.