South Shields Sanddancers Forum

Religious philosophies of the world in a nutshell

Catholicism: if s**t happens, I deserve it.

Protestantism: s**t won't happen if I work harder.

Judaism: why does this s**t always happen to me?

Buddhism: when s**t happens, is it really s**t?

Islam: if s**t happens, blame the infidels.

Hinduism: this s**t happened before.

Hare Krishna: s**t happens Ramah Lama Ding Dong.

Rastafarianism: lets smoke this s**t!

Who's Next
When I was younger I hated going to weddings...it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'
They stopped that s**t after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

where has all the funny people gone. I need some good jokes as mine are crap.

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again ... ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a erection."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?"....
"I couldn't even get on the bed!"
comeonthen

Did you here about the canibal groom at his wedding.......he toasted his mother in law

Very funny =D> =D> =D>

What do you call a Zebra without stripes.

A horse!
comeonthen

Why do you bury Mother in laws 18 feet down instead of the usual 6 feet ?..........Because deep down they are really nice people

Rather pathetic, Anna. shame really when it had so much going for it.

I thought as much

anna wrote:its a good thread realy Global ,,it was just my poor attemt of being sarcastic,,and a little bit rude ....just a little bit tho..

I know exactly where your coming from Anna

Stop looking for whats not there. It is pretty straight, this is a thread for funny jokes. So do not COME all over my thread.
If you are gagging anna give me a call.
comeonthen

"s**t" like this usually goes in the dark zone, thats what it is there for.

comeonthen wrote:Stop looking for whats not there. It is pretty straight, this is a thread for funny jokes. So do not COME all over my thread.
If you are gagging anna give me a call.
comeonthen

hey,im gettin a bit fed-up with you pushing me around lad !!!
and if i was gagging for it ,i wouldnt be ringing you ..dont like bossy men ..and cheeky little newdies ....
.

Sorry anna. Here's one to make you laugh.
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?“
The bartender confused, tells the duck that no, his bar doesn’t serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and says, “Got any grapes?”
Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell,
“Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!”
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ”Got any nails?“
Confused, the bartenders says no.
”Good!” says the duck, “Got any grapes?”
comeonthen

Gawd! that joke (?) is older than me.

which is probably why anna hasn't heard it before.

Three men were sitting in a bar talking about how whipped they had their wives.
The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.
They looked at the third man and he said, “I have my wife so whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees.”
Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.
The man replied, “Well, I was lying under the bed and she crawled over and said, “Come out and fight like a man!”.


Three women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant.
The brunette says, “I know what I’m going to have.” The other to asked how. She replied, “well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a boy”.
The red head said, “If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived.
The blonde starts crying and starts screaming, “PUPPIES, PUPPIES!”.

comeonthen

You're not related to Global by any chance, are you?

No. Why?
comeonthen