3 Minute Management Course

[g0var]

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The
wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob
says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel." After
thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob
hands her £800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in
the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to
the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It
was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about
the £800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in
a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed
her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest
nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,
"Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his
hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry
sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the
convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at
the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager
are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil
lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie
says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." Me first!
Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the
world." Puff! She's gone. Me next! Me next!" says
the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on
the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply
of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's
gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office
after lunch."

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say


Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I
also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered:
"Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.


Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be
able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why
don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey
pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth
night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

BullSh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.


Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was
so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a
large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay
there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how
warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to
sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird d singing
and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat
discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your
friend
(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

[johnc10]

I like it..... very very funny and very very true

[Globalmyths]

Thank you I have learnt and applied my first lessons. Can you please bring some more.

[g0var]

Lesson 9

never start a project that isnt fully resourced..

[anna]

[Alice]

very good.

[Axeman]

Very

[StottieCake]

Parables of G0var. Very good.

[Ugly Betty]

Hahaha, G0var, very good!

[g0var]

Always plan properly...

[g0var]

Relax, tomorrow is dress-down Friday...

[g0var]

NEVER upset the I.T. department...

[Globalmyths]

Reading all of them from the top down
ditto
ditto
ditto
ditto plus
ditto. etc.
and encore encore encore.

[g0var]

[Globalmyths]

I think the blonde secretary types the same way she parks she keeps pushing enter to soon then delete, enter, delete enter delete, margin.

[Axeman]

That blonde secretary one reminds me of Tyne Brewery.

When I worked in Logistics, every morning most people would come to the office window (2nd Floor ) to watch one woman parking her car.

She would drive around the car park deciding which gap she was going to park in.

Then she would spend 15 minutes ( normally) trying to back into the space.

Back and forwards several times, hanging out of the door, not bothering to check the other side.

What a laugh, she had a few little bumps.

Then eventually she cottoned onto us all watching her, so that made her more nervous and it took her even longer.