Brains v Brawn

[Bandana Dave]

Hiya Pete, Classic I think these stories are gona go on for ever and why not, we should save then all and do a book, man

[sless]

well heres one of my more decent ones
i went along south shields pier on sunday morning a few years back
i was fishing with lugworm,that was wrapped in newspaper
but i had the feeling in my belly
i was desperate for a sh*te
there was no one about so i dropped my trollies and had a dump next to the 1st gate
then i saw this bloke walking along with his fishing gear
i turned and looked at my steaming deposit
so i tipped my lugworms out and covered the evidence with the newspaper
the lad started fishing next to me,he was using frozen lug
its a bit messy and full of black slime
he said have you seen this,i said yes its awful
he asked me if i had a rag
i said sorry i havent
then he looked over and saw the paper i had used to cover my crap
he picked it up and wiped his hands
yak,he said some filthy b*****d has done that
i said yes its disgusitng
and i was having to bite my lip to stop laughing

[Bandana Dave]

=D> classic man, when i was a kid me and my brother were in the marine park and he wanted a dump, so we waited till everyone had passed by before going in the trees, but by this time it was too late our kid had crapped his self, so he took his trolleys of and flung them in the bushes, it was minging, for years after that i thought thats what the smell was when you walked through the marine park you know that feeling ya get when you know something no one else knows

[Jarrow Pete]

Couple of tales about an old neighbour of mine Billy Barron who worked at Whitburn pit. Billy was a real hard man and he was a stoneman at the pit, wich one was of the hardest jobs. This particular week Billy was working in the Mother gate taking the floor up that had heaved up and shovelling the stone onto the conveyor that was taking coal out bye from the coal face.
The pit used to be over run with mice, so you had to tie your bait from a girder with shot wire, if you left it in your coat pocket the mice would have it.Any way first day on job Billy has his bait wrapped up in the greaseproof bag that the bread came in and he has it hanging down from the arch girder with some shot wire. About 9am the fore shift start coming off the face to travel to the shaft bottom, as there is no management they are kneeling on the conveyor and illegally riding it down the gate, as they pass Barron they each say hello and stick a nut on his bait, so when Billy sits down for his sandwiches they are mush.Next day Billy has his bait early and has a s**t in the greaseproof bag and hangs it from the girder, the men start coming off the face riding the belt, the first one says hello Barron and nuts his "bait" followed by "you dirty b*****d". Billy reckoned they never touched his bait again.
Another time Billy had gotten off the man set at the shaft bottom at the end of his shift and was walking alongside the carriages and emptying his water over the new shift sitting waiting to go in bye, he approached an electrician Geordie Brewis who was sitting by himself, Geordie was a gentle giant who never said boo to a mouse, as Barron approached him he said "don't do it I cannot be bothered" so Billy sprayed him with the last of his water. Geordie stood up and punched Barron on the jaw knocking him clean out, they had to take him out the pit on a stretcher and then the court of enquiry started, they interviewed all the men who were there and everyone said Barron had slipped on water where someone had emptied their water bottle on the landing, Barron confirmed this as well when he came round in the medical centre an hour later. Geordie said he was worried what Barrons reaction would be when he saw him next, but he told me Billy went up to him and shook his hand and said next time I have trouble to sort out in Shields on a weekend will you come with me.The whole pit knew what had happened and we suspect management did as well but a week later signs went up warning not to empty water bottles on the landing.

[Bandana Dave]

Hiya Pete, This just gets better man, keep them coming, im crying here ,

[Jarrow Pete]

another character at Whitburn was Jimmy Angus a fore shift overman down No2 pit. One Sunday I was working with an electrician in the North yard 33 seam about 3 miles out under the sea, we had to change the electric motor on the coal cutter. When we had it put back together we asked Jimmy to phone the shaft bottom to get them to turn electricity on. Jimmy phoned and shouted power on, I flicked cutter controls and nothing happened so I shouted for him to have power turned back off. Jimmy crawled over to us and said "the trouble with you young ones is you have no patience, give the electricity a chance , it took us an hour to walk here, how long do you think it will take the electricity to get here".
Another one of Jimmies was when I was an apprentice and he sent a note to the fitting shop saying he urgently required 6 sheets of wriggly tin, it turned out he meant corrugated iron but he could not spell that.

[gag]

During my time at Amec, we used to organise regular emergency drills such as Fire evacuations, First Aid response drills etc,etc, As Security Supervisor, I was called to the offices one day and told that a visit was being planned for some vip visitors from the Amec Head Office in London. The visiting party would consist of male and female bigwigs and could we arrange with the Safety Department to stage a mock casualty evacuation from the top deck of the rig that was under construction at the time. For those of you who are not familiar with evacuating and injured person from the top deck of a rig, the quickest way down is for the casulaty to be placed on a stretcher and then lowered over the side in a special cage hung from a crane. This method is used as it would take too long to negotiate the staircases on each level of the rig while it is under construction. The event was duly planned and the great day arrived. A life sized dummy was dressed in overalls, boots, safety helmet etc, etc, and carried up to the top deck of the rig ready for the exercise. The plan was for the vip visitors to be taken to the base of the rig and the "emergency procedure" would be swung into action. The visitors arrived and were being shown around the site and as they approached to base of the rig, the exercise swung into action. The visitors were impressed when the site ambulance pulled up along with the Security patrol vehicle and the "casualty" appeared over the side of the top deck and began its journey to earth. A small ripple of applause broke out from the visiting party as the stretcher made its way down, then as the stretcher got to ground level the applause was replaced by an embarrassed silence ? The reason being that some joker on the top deck had stuffed a length of pipe down the dummies overalls and this pipe was standing to attention simulating one hell of an erection ! Needless to say, heads would roll over this "stupid prank" in full view of the visitors but nothing ever came of it. I will never forget the looks on their faces when the "casualty" reached ground level ! Priceless

cheers.

gag.

[anna]

[Bandana Dave]

Brains 0 Brawn 1 (Again) when i was at Drax i went into the canteen for break and sat down next to my mate who was Pi**ing himself laughing, i asked him what was up and he pointed to a guy who was sitting at the next table, facing us, my mate said "watch him" he was eating a cheese sarnie he had made using those cheese squares that have the plastic on them, he had made his own bate up and left the plastic wrap on the cheese, i couldn't keep my laugh in, i was buckled up, i said to my mate "Thats the funniest thing i've seen" the guy was tugging at it, chewing at it, and streaching it every way he could, BUT. he was still eating it, and my mate said "Thats the fouth one he's had" i had to leave the place, i was crying man.

Anyone from Whiteles who knows Colin Finley, ask him about this : him and Kell Knowles had a tank to do at Drax, so i put this new starter with them, the tank had been blasted and had to be cleaned for painting, which entails turning the boards over and dropping all of the shot onto the next level and repeting it until al of the boards were clear of shot and ended up on the floor ready to be hoovered out and cleaned,normaly this wouls take all morning to do at a easy pace, so Colin says to Kell" Na its impossible, never been done" so Kell gets the drift and says "Whats that then Colin" "No one could knock a tank down before Ten 0-clock by themselves" and this new lad was eager to impress asked what the job was about, so they told him and he says "I'll have a go" so colin says "Na, it's impossible" so this lad goes to the top of the tank and starts turning the boards at breakneck speed, sweating like a bull and as ten o-clock comes hes just about got the job done, he was wrecked, covered in shot dust, but he had a great big smile of achievment on his face, so he goes over to where Colin and Kell were to tell them that he's done it in record time, and he finds the two of them fast asleep curled up in the corner sweating last nights beer off when they woke up they just said to him "Haway then, Tea Time, and walked out of the tank without batting an eyelid Class man !

[gag]

keep them coming Dave, this thread is brilliant mate.

cheers.

gag.

[Jarrow Pete]

When I was an apprentice at Whitburn Pit one day I was sent with the pipe fitter old Fred Jackson to old workings four miles out under the North Sea. One of the pipes had cracked near the pump and we had to replace it, these pipes were nearly 100 years old , four inch diameter six foot long with floating cast iron "albion" flanges on one end.Fred had prefabricated a mild steel pipe in the fitting shop and I carried it in bye for him, when we got to the site I had a breather while Fred unbolted the damaged pipe. When we had the damaged pipe out we fitted new one, and found it was too short by about half an inch, Freddy said not to worry he would put a couple of extra gaskets in to compensate.This we did and nipped bolts up and ran pump, water was spewing every place from the joint, Freddy said to me try and tighten the bolts some more, so I put ring spanner on first nut and stood on it with all my weight and managed to get half a turn on it. He said good now do the same with the other three nuts, so I put spanner on second one, stood on it and all you heard was ping ping ping receding up the drift, the cast iron flanges on the next seven pipes had sheared off. This was the first time I had ever seen a grow man cry, we ended up having to contact the engineer, (this was 2am in morning) he had to call a fitter out and get some pipes fabricated and sent into us before the water level covered the pump, twenty hours after going down pit we came to the surface after replacing the damaged lengths, old Freddy never took me on any more jobs with him.

Another tale from pit.
In the last six months of your apprenticeship you were allowed to go down pit on your own on jobs that were sanctioned by the engineer, these jobs were often to pumps in the old workings so you had to know your way about underground. One pump job I used to get regularly sent to was to a mono pump in the old east yard seam, the old pumper Billy was a practical joker who when he saw your light coming would hide in an old refuge hole and jump on you when you passed causing you to nearly s**t yourself. After he had done this a couple of times I told him if he ever did it again I would belt him, so when I was going to his pump I would start shouting from a couple of hundred yards telling him it was me and he would put his light on and come out of hiding. The training was good on these jobs as the old pumpers had seen fitters come and go over the years and would keep you right.It was always hammered into by my father to always listen to them,as he used to say you are still learning.
At Whitburn we had an apprentice electrician Paddy B----, who was well known for his arrogance, one day he was sent to the 375 horse power haulage engine to repair a fault on the starter.He nodded to the operator and started to lower the contacters down to work on them, this was a great big thing about the size of a house hold bath and filled with oil, on the end was a wheel like a ships steering wheel where you lowered the bath away from the contacters.After lowering it so far Paddy went to put his finger in to pull the contacts out, the old operator warned him that the electricians normally lowered it further, Paddy told him to shut up, he was the electrician not him, the old operator shrugged his shoulders and sat back down. Paddy put one finger of each hand on the contacter, as the operator had warned him it was still live and exploded throwing Paddy against a girder ,he lost a finger off each hand, half an earlobe and a burn across his chest where he had earthed against the girder.
The electrical engineer wanted the old operator sacked, he said he should have physically restrained Paddy and protected him from his own stupidity, but both the mechanics and the miners union said if any action was taking against the operator they would walk out on strike. It ended up Paddy never got a penny compensation, what he did get was a nick name that he is still known as "Paddy two fingers"

[Bandana Dave]

All these kids that are happy to sit on the dole are missing out on a head full of brilliant storys to tell, and all the good crack along the way, we used to have some bang on times at work, in different jobs all over the country and a funny story from every one, keep them comming guys brilliant =D>

The same kid who had knocked the tank down by himself, was working with us one day when we were spraying the Absorbers at Drax, i was watching the pots for the sprayer and making sure the paint was topped up, when i said to him "Go down to the managers office and get the puncture outfit and the spoons to fix the tyres on the paint unit, there in the top drawer of the filing cabinet in his office" now all the time i have worked in the yards and anywhere where you find a Spray paint unit i have NEVER EVER seen a one that didn't have flat tyres, Never, so off he trots to the managers office, he walked in while the manager was there and just went over to the filing cabinet and started rooting around, the manager went balistic, "What the F*ck are you doing" "Davey sent me down for the puncture outfit and the spoons to fix the paint unit" "Spoons, Ya F*ckin idiot" two seconds later my walkie talkie was F*cking blazing " Quantrill, get yourself down here Now" i walked in the office and the manager said "How many time have i got to tell ya, Stop winding these thick C*nts up, i.m fed up with it, now f*ck off and take this dozy bas*ard with you"

When i was Assitant Warden at West Park Community Centre (Stanhope School) in the 80s, we used to get loads of Y,T,S trainees in to work on the reception, and answer the phone, well one day we had this young lass on the desk and the phone rang, someone was enquiring what activities we had on offer, we used to run Keep Fit, Sequence Dancing, Art Groups and things like that, well i was in my office when this young lass says to me "What activities do we have on a Wednesday night" i was just about answer her when at the same time my mate Ian walked in and heard what she had said and quick as a flash he said "Wednesdays, we have the over 60s nudist leapfrog class" and she said that, word for word to the person on the other end of the phone, i have never laughed so much, i was crippled man, me and Ian were rolling on the floor with tears streaming down wa faces, pure quality.

[Bandana Dave]

Made it, FULL TIME GOBBER saying that, i have been all my life celebrating tonight then, What was it that David Bellamy said in that T.V. advert "Sensible Drinking, Two or Three Pints, Two or Three Times An Hour" something like that anyway

[sless]

Made it, FULL TIME GOBBER saying that, i have been all my life celebrating tonight then, What was it that David Bellamy said in that T.V. advert "Sensible Drinking, Two or Three Pints, Two or Three Times An Hour" something like that anyway

then he got done for drink driving
hahaha

[StottieCake]

I saw this and wanted to bump it up after reading it =D>

[geordielass]

thanks stottie i enjoyed reading it, my late husband used to work down westoe & whitburn as a fitter in the 60s

[Jarrow Pete]

thanks stottie i enjoyed reading it, my late husband used to work down westoe & whitburn as a fitter in the 60s

Liz there was a death in the gazette this week,Albert Moyse 68 years old. He was the lad who started at Whitburn same time as Stan did.

[geordielass]

hi i never heard stan mention him dont know the name stan would have been 68 this year but sadly he passed away at 49