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Daddy O
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England

Post by Daddy O » Sat Jul 22, 2017 1:42 pm

This was published in the Tampa newspaper. It was written by Scott Waters from Florida.

I was in England a few weeks ago, mostly in small towns, but here's some of what I learned:

• Almost everyone is very polite.
• The food is OK.
• There are no guns.
• There are too many narrow stairs.
• Everything is just a little bit different.
• The pubs close too early.
• The reason they drive on the left is because all their cars are built backwards.
• Pubs are not bars, they are community living rooms.
• You'd better like peas, potatoes and sausage.
• Refrigerators and washing machines are very small.
• Everything is generally older, smaller and shorter.
• Their paper money makes sense, the coins don't.
• Everyone has a washing machine but driers are rare.
• Hot and cold water faucets. Remember what those looked like?
• Pants are called "trousers", underwear are "pants" and sweaters are "jumpers".
• The bathroom light is a string hanging from the ceiling.
• "f*nny" is a naughty word, as is "s**g".
• There's no dress code, none whatsoever.
• Doors close by themselves, but they don't always open.
• They eat with their forks upside down.
• The English are as crazy about their gardens as Americans are about cars.
• They don't seem to use facecloths or napkins. Their sleeves are quite dirty.
• The wall outlets all have switches, some don’t do anything.
• There are hardly any cops or police cars.
• 5,000 year ago, someone arranged a lot of rocks all over, but no one is sure why.
• When you do see police they seem to be in male & female pairs and often smiling.
• Everything comes with chips, which are French fries. You put vinegar on them, if you can imagine that.
• Cookies are "biscuits'' and potato chips are "crisps".
• HP sauce is better than ketchup.
• Obama is considered a hero, Trump is considered an idiot.
• After fish and chips, curry is the most popular food.
• The water controls in showers need detailed instructions
• They can, and usually do boil anything.
• It's not unusual to see people dressed different and speaking different languages, especially in London.
• Your electronic devices will work fine, but you will need a plug adapter.
• Nearly everyone down south is well educated, people up north, not so much.
• If someone buys you a drink you must do the same. You can go broke in a Pub.
• Look right, walk left. Again; look right, walk left.
• Avoid British wine and French beer.
• It's not that hard to eat with the fork in your left hand with a little practice. If you don't, everyone knows you're an American.
• Many of the roads are the size of our sidewalks.
• There is no Air Conditioning.
• Instead of turning the heat up, you put on a Jumper.
• Gas is "petrol", it costs about $6 a gallon and is sold by the liter.
• If you speed on a motorway, you get a ticket. Period. Always
• You don't have to tip, really! Weird huh?
• Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Cornwall really are different countries.
• Only 14% of Americans have a passport, everyone in the UK does.
• You pay the price marked on products because the taxes (VAT) are built in.
• Walking is the national pastime.
• They took the street signs down during WWII, but haven't put them all back up yet.
• Everyone enjoys a good joke.
• Dogs are very well behaved and welcome everywhere.
• There are no window screens.
• You can get on a bus and end up in Paris.
• Everyone thinks they know more about our history then we do. Except for the American Revolution.
• Radio is still a big deal.
• The newspapers can be awful.
• Beer comes in large, completely filled, actual pint glasses, and the closer the brewery the better the beer.
• Butter and eggs aren't refrigerated.
• The beer isn't warm, each style is served at the proper temperature, which is warm.
• Cider (alcoholic) is quite good.
• Excess cider consumption can be very painful.
• The universal greeting is "Cheers" (pronounced "cheeahz", unless you are from Cornwall, then it's "chairz")
• The money is easy to understand: 1-2-5-10-20-50 pence, then-£1-£2-£5-£10, etc. bills. There are no quarters.
• Their cash makes ours look like Monopoly Money.
• Cars don't have bumper stickers.
• Many doorknobs, buildings and tools are older than America.
• When the sign says something was built in 456, they didn't lose the "1".
• Cake is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for dessert is pudding, even pudding.
• BBC 4 is NPR
• Everything closes by 1800 (6pm).
• You're defined by your accent.
• No one in Cornwall knows what the hell a Cornish Hen is.
• The trains work: a three minute delay is regrettable.
• Drinks don't come with ice.
• If you're over 60, you get free TV, bus and rail passes.
• They don't use Bose anything anywhere.
• Displaying your political or religious affiliation is considered very bad taste.
• Every pub has a pet drunk. Some have several.
• Their healthcare works, but they still b***h about it.
• Cake is one of the major food groups.
• Their coffee is mediocre but their tea is wonderful.

Cheers

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Re: England

Post by Pilot » Sat Jul 22, 2017 2:17 pm

Its quite a funny read mostly true from an American viewpoint with some glaring mistakes.
I voted leave

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Re: England

Post by ralph » Sat Jul 22, 2017 2:46 pm

If you're over 60, you get free TV, bus and rail passes... Not quite right. The 'Free TV comes when you are 75, the free bus passes are nation-wide (with some limitations between towns) and in London we have the added benefit that they allow you to travel on the underground railways and above ground railways within the greater London area. Southern rail doesn't allow the use of the passes until after the morning rush-hour i.e. 0930. Many visitors to London are surprised that they cannot use cash on the buses, but must buy an 'Oyster' card and add as much money as you wish. These have the advantage that however many times you use them in 24 hours on the buses, underground and London surface railways, it never costs you more than £9.90 which for frequent travellers, is a bargain.

I could nit-pick with the details of a few others, but it is an amusing summing up of life here and I feel sure it is intended to be taken in the light-hearted way in which I'm sure he wrote it.

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Re: England

Post by Daddy O » Sat Jul 22, 2017 3:05 pm

ralph wrote:
Sat Jul 22, 2017 2:46 pm
I could nit-pick with the details of a few others, but it is an amusing summing up of life here and I feel sure it is intended to be taken in the light-hearted way in which I'm sure he wrote it.
Very true Ralph. It's supposed to be funny, not too critical.

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Re: England

Post by ralph » Sat Jul 22, 2017 5:25 pm

Daddy O wrote:
Sat Jul 22, 2017 3:05 pm
ralph wrote:
Sat Jul 22, 2017 2:46 pm
I could nit-pick with the details of a few others, but it is an amusing summing up of life here and I feel sure it is intended to be taken in the light-hearted way in which I'm sure he wrote it.
Very true Ralph. It's supposed to be funny, not too critical.
It is funny Daddy O and it is always a laugh to see how others see us. We need a laugh now and again. :lol:

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Re: England

Post by andysfootball » Sat Jul 22, 2017 11:05 pm

Daddy O wrote:
Sat Jul 22, 2017 1:42 pm
This was published in the Tampa newspaper. It was written by Scott Waters from Florida.

I was in England a few weeks ago, mostly in small towns, but here's some of what I learned:

• Almost everyone is very polite.
• The food is OK.
• There are no gays.
• There are too many narrow stairs.
• Everything is just a little bit different.
• The pubs close too early.
• The reason they drive on the left is because all their cars are built backwards.
• Pubs are not bars, they are community living rooms.
• You'd better like peas, potatoes and sausage.
• Refrigerators and washing machines are very small.
• Everything is generally older, smaller and shorter.
• Their paper money makes sense, the coins don't.
• Everyone has a washing machine but driers are rare.
• Hot and cold water faucets. Remember what those looked like?
• Pants are called "trousers", underwear are "pants" and sweaters are "jumpers".
• The bathroom light is a string hanging from the ceiling.
• "f*nny" is a naughty word, as is "s**g".
• There's no dress code, none whatsoever.
• Doors close by themselves, but they don't always open.
• They eat with their forks upside down.
• The English are as crazy about their gardens as Americans are their ego's
• They don't seem to use facecloths or napkins. Their sleeves are quite dirty.
• The wall outlets all have switches, some don’t do anything.
• There are hardly any cops or police cars.
• 5,000 year ago, someone arranged a lot of rocks all over, but no one is sure why.
• When you do see police they seem to be in male & female pairs and often smiling.
• Everything comes with chips, which are French fries. You put vinegar on them, if you can imagine that.
• Cookies are "biscuits'' and potato chips are "crisps".
• HP sauce is better than ketchup.
• Obama is considered a hero, Trump is considered an idiot.
• After curry, fish and chips is the most popular food.
• The water controls in showers are to hard for yanks to understand.
• They can, and usually do s**g anything.
• It's not unusual to see people dressed different and speaking different languages, especially in London.
• Your electronic devices will work fine, but you will need a plug adapter.
• Nearly everyone up north is well educated, people down south, not so much.
• If someone buys you a drink you must do the same. You can go broke in a Pub.
• Look right, walk left. Again; look right, walk left.
• Avoid British wine and American Queers.
• It's not that hard to eat with the fork in your left hand with a little practice. If you don't, everyone knows you're an uncouth American.
• Many of the roads are the size of our sidewalks.
• There is no Air Conditioning apart from the North Sea.
• Instead of turning the heat up, you put on a Jumper.
• Gas is "petrol", it costs about $6 a gallon and is sold by the liter.
• If you speed on a motorway, you get a ticket. Period. Always
• You don't have to tip, really! Weird huh?
• Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Tyne and Wear really are different countries.
• Only 14% of Americans have a brain, everyone in the UK does.
• You pay the price marked on products because the taxes (VAT) are built in.
• Wanking is the national pastime.
• They took the street signs down during WWII which actually started in 1939, but haven't put them all back up yet.
• Everyone enjoys a good jerk.
• Dogs and Americans are sometimes well behaved and welcome everywhere.
• There are no window screens.
• You can get on a bus and end up in Jarrow.
• Everyone thinks they know more about our history then we do. Except for the American Revolution.
• Turning up for WW2 late is still a big deal.
• The newspapers can be awful.
• Beer comes in large, completely filled, actual pint glasses, and the closer the brewery the better the beer.
• Butter and eggs aren't refrigerated.
• The beer isn't warm, each style is served at the proper temperature, which is warm.
• Cider (alcoholic) is quite good.
• Excess cider consumption can be very painful.
• The universal greeting is "Cheers" (pronounced "cheeahz", unless you are from Cornwall, then it's "chairz")
• The money is easy to understand: 1-2-5-10-20-50 pence, then-£1-£2-£5-£10, etc. bills. There are no quarters.
• Their cash makes ours look like Monopoly Money.
• Cars don't have bumper stickers.
• Many doorknobs, buildings are older than the "tools" in America.
• When the sign says something was built in 456, they didn't lose the "1".
• Cake is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for dessert is pudding, even pudding.
• BBC 4 is NPR
• Everything closes by 1800 (6pm).
• You're defined by your accent.
• No one in Cornwall knows what the hell a Cornish Hen is.
• The trains work: a three minute delay is regrettable.
• Drinks don't come with ice.
• If you're over 60, you get free TV, bus and rail passes.
• They don't use Bose anything anywhere.
• Displaying your political or religious affiliation is considered very bad taste.
• Every forum has a pet yank. Some have several.
• Their healthcare works, but they still b***h about it.
• Stottie Cake is one of the major food groups.
• Their coffee is mediocre but their tea is wonderful.

Cheers
moderated
STAY CALM AND SANDDANCE ON

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Re: England

Post by Daddy O » Sat Jul 22, 2017 11:30 pm

Asshole

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Re: England

Post by andysfootball » Sat Jul 22, 2017 11:38 pm

It's a*sehole with an r actually!
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Re: England

Post by Daddy O » Sun Jul 23, 2017 3:17 am

Certainly to you it is. You have never been to formulate a sentence, much less spell and use proper grammar.

Don't you have some porn you need to attend to, Mr. Pornerator?

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Re: England

Post by max Headroom » Sun Jul 23, 2017 3:25 am

Daddy O wrote:
Sun Jul 23, 2017 3:17 am
Certainly to you it is. You have never been to formulate a sentence, much less spell and use proper grammar.

Don't you have some porn you need to attend to, Mr. Pornerator?

Have you dobbing him into beeg rye yet?


tugger
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Re: England

Post by sherri » Sun Jul 23, 2017 5:53 am

daddyo, it was actually quite funny (both versions). I think he was just having a joke, no harm was meant.
A lot of the stuff would apply to Aust too. Only our trains don't work. And our coffee is marvellous.

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Re: England

Post by andysfootball » Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:03 am

daddy o just laughs at his own jokes
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Re: England

Post by andysfootball » Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:04 am

Daddy O wrote:
Sun Jul 23, 2017 3:17 am
Certainly to you it is. You have never been to formulate a sentence, much less spell and use proper grammar.

Don't you have some porn you need to attend to, Mr. Pornerator?
no my mate big ry fixed it and the site does not get bombarded anymore
STAY CALM AND SANDDANCE ON

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Re: England

Post by J Jackson » Sun Jul 23, 2017 8:26 am

max Headroom wrote:
Sun Jul 23, 2017 3:25 am
Daddy O wrote:
Sun Jul 23, 2017 3:17 am
Certainly to you it is. You have never been to formulate a sentence, much less spell and use proper grammar.

Don't you have some porn you need to attend to, Mr. Pornerator?

Have you dobbing him into beeg rye yet?


tugger
Bump in to big ry this week, I wasn't surprised to learn like most on here he is of the opinion Daddy O is a bell-end .
KEEP ALL CHILDREN AWAY FROM DADDY O !!

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Re: England

Post by Daddy O » Sun Jul 23, 2017 3:57 pm

andysfootball wrote:
Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:03 am
daddy o just laughs at his own jokes
Not true Andy.......I laugh at you all the time.

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Re: England

Post by Daddy O » Sun Jul 23, 2017 4:04 pm

J Jackson wrote:
Sun Jul 23, 2017 8:26 am

Bump(ed) in to (B)big (R)ry this week,(;) I wasn't surprised to learn like most on here he is of the opinion Daddy O is a bell-end .
I fixed a little of your grammar and spelling for you. Lord know you can't do it.

BTW, Did you ask Big Ry for a loan to help you pay your taxes? You don't want to have to go through another absence and a new NIC again, do you?

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Re: England

Post by whip » Sun Jul 23, 2017 4:33 pm

Last time I was I South shields a saw two people.

Remember Jake.

The other one, well :-"

Mind, even if I did speak to them I most certainly would not mention anybody on this site for sure.

JJ gossoping like an old Mary about folk.

Bleeding great tart so he is.
GB FIRST

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Re: England

Post by J Jackson » Sun Jul 23, 2017 5:23 pm

Rattled ^ ^ :lol: :lol:
KEEP ALL CHILDREN AWAY FROM DADDY O !!

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Re: England

Post by whip » Sun Jul 23, 2017 5:55 pm

J Jackson wrote:
Sun Jul 23, 2017 5:23 pm
Rattled ^ ^ :lol: :lol:
So you had a funny tantrum.

What next.
GB FIRST

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Re: England

Post by max Headroom » Sun Jul 23, 2017 9:17 pm

Daddy O wrote:
Sun Jul 23, 2017 4:04 pm
J Jackson wrote:
Sun Jul 23, 2017 8:26 am

Bump(ed) in to (B)big (R)ry this week,(;) I wasn't surprised to learn like most on here he is of the opinion Daddy O is a bell-end .
I fixed a little of your grammar and spelling for you. (The) Lord know(s) you can't do it. (neither can you turkey)

BTW, Did you ask Big Ry for a loan to help you pay your taxes? You don't want to have to go through another absence and a new NIC again, do you?


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USA USA USA, DESTROY, KILL, MAIM, WAR HERO'S ALL OF US, I LOVE TRUMP GOD BLESS ARRRRHMERIA, OPEN CARRY, MORE KILL, FRIENDLY FIRE.

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