Peter

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Beachbum
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Re: Peter

Post by Beachbum » Thu Oct 25, 2007 3:54 am

Now that I've finally been able to log in, a belated condolence from Canada.

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Jim_in_France
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Re: Peter

Post by Jim_in_France » Sat Oct 27, 2007 2:43 am

I forgot to mention, that I am now being investigated for Involuntry homocide. As they call it in France. I am the driver. Therefore, I am responsible. But luckily, I dont give a s**t! Do they really think that they can do more to me? Can they hurt me more ?
"The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast."

"We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell."

Oscar Wilde

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Rosie
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Re: Peter

Post by Rosie » Sat Oct 27, 2007 5:53 am

My heart goes out to you Jim. I only wish there was something I could say to help ease the pain. Don't forget you had eighteen very special years with lots of wonderful memories.
Life doesn't have an undo button

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wong
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Re: Peter

Post by wong » Sat Oct 27, 2007 6:37 am

OH Jim I am so sorry. I can't imagine how you are feeling. I also wish I could say something to make you feel better, but only time will help. :rose:

I never could understand why, after a car accident, they investigate people who have lost loved ones to try and pin the blame. Haven't they been through enough!
Oh Well, just a bit longer ...sigh !

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sherri
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Re: Peter

Post by sherri » Sat Oct 27, 2007 11:02 am

Since Peter died from a heart attack and not simply from the result of the car accident, I can't see how they can pin that one on you, Jim.
Troubles never come singly, do they!

Take care of yourself, I am sure all our thoughts are with you across the miles.

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kitten
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Re: Peter

Post by kitten » Sat Oct 27, 2007 1:59 pm

Sounds right to me what Sherri said Jim.
My heart breaks for you, like the others if only we could do something to take away your pain.
Do you like writing? If so maybe you could write a story on your life with Peter..
As your doing that little things you had forgot about will come back to you, that helps me but might not work for you..
Worth a try though as writing down your feelings does help
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Blue...
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Re: Peter

Post by Blue... » Sat Oct 27, 2007 3:15 pm

If I recall correctly Jim, you and I have crossed swords with your drink driving habits… had you been drinking?

Sorry if my recollection is wrong..
..............................

it's not rocket surgery... :5dunce:

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Re: Peter

Post by butch » Sun Oct 28, 2007 3:34 am

Jim_in_France wrote:I forgot to mention, that I am now being investigated for Involuntry homocide. As they call it in France. I am the driver. Therefore, I am responsible. But luckily, I dont give a s**t! Do they really think that they can do more to me? Can they hurt me more ?
Frenchy is that a normal practice of law inforcement in France?.If so, it would just be a formality, wouldn't it.?

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Jim_in_France
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Re: Peter

Post by Jim_in_France » Sun Oct 28, 2007 12:09 pm

I'm not sure what is going on here. The law here is very different. It is investigated by a judge, he makes the final decision to prosecute or not. The gendarmes told me the day after the accident, that Peter died of head and chest injuries. So as far as I know, that is the official line. I had also done work on the car the day before, steering/suspension. The car has been checked by a government expert, to see if my work was at fault. When a friend and I went to the hospital to see Peter, we also spoke to the doctor who tried to save him. He said Peter had no injuries other than minor scratches etc. Theres many odd things about it. Peter was under the car, but protected by the ditch. I think they thought it was too late, so left him. Not realising he would have been OK. If they got him out! Rescue came 45 minutes later. An air ambulance came but for some reason, could not land. They took him to a hospital 100kms away, even though I had gone to one 30kms away. He arrived at the hospital several hours after the crash. They tried for several more hours to save him, but it was too late. The doctor said he could not understand why they were having problems, so did a full head to toe scan and found Peters brain had suffered so much damage from lack of oxygene, that it was not worth carrying on. I feel its the many very long delays that killed him. Having looked back at recent events with Peter, it is obvious.....now! That he had heart problems. He had asked me to go to the doctor with him to have tests. We were to do that after the weekend. He had rang his father and asked about heart problems in the family....there is a long history of it. He had recently had thrombosis in the leg, he had swollen feet a lot and in recent weeks, he had fainted several times and was short of breath. These and more symptoms he had, are all signs of heart probmlems. None of which I put together and Peter didnt say anything direct. But it all now adds up!
"The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast."

"We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell."

Oscar Wilde

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Re: Peter

Post by anna » Sun Oct 28, 2007 1:34 pm

JIM...YOUR TROUBLED MIND IS SO MIXED UP,WITH QUESTIONS,AND ANSERWS....TRY TO SWITCH OFF FOR A WHILE..GO SOMEWHERE PIECEFULL AND QUITE,, CARRY ON WITH YOUR GRIEFING, LEAVE ALL THE OTHER STUFF,AS NONE OF IT REALY MATTERS ANYMORE,,YOU HAVE LOST YOUR SOULMATE..WHATEVER PAIN COMES FROM THE REST ,,WILL NOT BE MORE PAINFULL THAN WHAT YOU ARE SUFFRING NOW..... :rose:

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Re: Peter

Post by brian c » Sun Oct 28, 2007 4:03 pm

anna wrote:JIM...YOUR TROUBLED MIND IS SO MIXED UP,WITH QUESTIONS,AND ANSERWS....TRY TO SWITCH OFF FOR A WHILE..GO SOMEWHERE PIECEFULL AND QUITE,, CARRY ON WITH YOUR GRIEFING, LEAVE ALL THE OTHER STUFF,AS NONE OF IT REALY MATTERS ANYMORE,,YOU HAVE LOST YOUR SOULMATE..WHATEVER PAIN COMES FROM THE REST ,,WILL NOT BE MORE PAINFULL THAN WHAT YOU ARE SUFFRING NOW..... :rose:

I second that.

Time is a great healer.

But never forget the goodtimes.
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STUPID YOU ARE.................

BREED YOU SHOULD NOT!

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Jim_in_France
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Re: Peter

Post by Jim_in_France » Mon Oct 29, 2007 4:18 am

Image

The one above is me and Peter.


The one below is our friend, Cyril. Who shot himself last year. Cyril on the left. And the car I crashed, came from Cyril.

Image
"The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast."

"We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell."

Oscar Wilde

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Jim_in_France
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Re: Peter

Post by Jim_in_France » Mon Oct 29, 2007 4:24 am

I have deleted this post for the same reason I changed the one below.
Last edited by Jim_in_France on Wed Oct 31, 2007 6:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast."

"We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell."

Oscar Wilde

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sherri
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Re: Peter

Post by sherri » Mon Oct 29, 2007 9:27 am

Okay, Jim.
The laws are different but they can't be too different.

Now-I don't know the full story of what happened and what charges they have placed against you.
But here are 2 things to consider.
1. If they are trying to say that negligence non your part caused Peter's death, and a doctor is willing to testify that underlying heart problems caused the death more than injuries sustained in the accident, then I would be almost sure they could not charge you with homicide of any kind. Depending on the circumstances, maybe negligent driving (and maybe not even that-I don't know the circumstances, as I said).
2. If they claim, on the other hand, that Peter died as a direct result of his injuries, then I think your solicitor should consider sueing the state for negligence and start asking questions about why an ambulance took 45 minutes to respond to the call. You could argue, and argue convincingly, that had there been a quicker response, Peter could have lived. If they then jump in and say it was the heart problem, you jump into scenario 1.

In other words, try not to stress too much about this as I don't think they can lay homicide charges on you.

Now re your friend Cyril. I have been told by a social worker that 99% of suicides do confide in a friend or trusted person and it seems you may have been 'it' for Cyril. People often blame themselves afterwards but if you were actually on the phone with him at the time, there is absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent it.
You have had a rugged time-don't give up, be with friends who will help support you.

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Jim_in_France
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Re: Peter

Post by Jim_in_France » Tue Oct 30, 2007 11:36 pm

Thank you sherri.

I have deleted a few words from here, as they were irrelevant. I made the post when I had been drowning my sorrows.
"The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast."

"We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell."

Oscar Wilde

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Re: Peter

Post by padlock man » Thu Nov 01, 2007 3:43 pm

I'm sorry to hear that.

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Jim_in_France
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Re: Peter

Post by Jim_in_France » Fri Nov 02, 2007 3:07 am

Thank you again, everyone. Most of Peters ashes were taken back to the UK by his mother. (I have no say in it, as under French law, I am nothing!) But some did stay here and we planted a tree in his memory in the garden of the place he worked and the place of his friend/boss. We put his ashes below the tree. So next year, I will post a pic of it. I may take one now. But I find going back to the tree too painfull. I have been to the hotel where the tree is, tonight. But I cant go out in the garden yet! Your words have helped me and I thank you all for that. I felt guilty that since Peter died, I have slept very well. But I think it is mental exhaustion. Last night was my worst night, but today was my best day. If you know what I mean? I wish you all could have met him, as he was the most gentle, kindly person you are ever likely to meet. His mother and father, who neglected him, must live with thier guilt.
"The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast."

"We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell."

Oscar Wilde

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sherri
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Re: Peter

Post by sherri » Fri Nov 02, 2007 7:28 am

I think it sounds a lovely idea to have planted a tree in his memory. I am so glad some of his ashes stayed in France so you feel there is still something of him there. It would be nice to see the photo of the tree, but when you are ready. There is no rush-don't feel you have to go into the garden till you feel right about it.
My father died in May 2006 and one of the only good times months later, if you could call it good, was being with my sister and finding a spot in the cemetery garden for his ashes. We looked at various locations around the cemetery for a couple of hours and i had a real feeling of peace when we finally walked into a section with lovely plants. I guess it is the last thing you can do for someone and it matters. My mother though won't go to see it at all. The very mention of calling in just makes her upset and she says she doesn't want to go to that cemetery, ever, until she herself is dead. So everyone is different.

As for Peter's parents, I am not sure why they neglected him at all, but if it was because of sexual orientation, then that is their loss. Life is too short to hold a thing like that against a child or anyone else.

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kitten
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Re: Peter

Post by kitten » Fri Nov 02, 2007 3:21 pm

Yes Jim as Sherri said everybody is different, I like to write my thoughts down, I even write to my young Brother, I have lost many and young ages, my Brother being the last, we made a small garden here and its in memmory of all the loved ones gone, onyl some rose bushes and small things and a bench chair, I often sit and think there, you could have a pot plant if you dont have much room, inside on a book shelf I have one for Mum, Dad Brother and all with their photo's and a candle in front of them.
That is how I like it, you might too one day, if not what ever works for you will happen one day when you least expect it.
I hate going to the cemetery like Sherri's Mum, so I find it much better to have my own little cemetery right here at home.
Its early days yet Jim, you will heal in time and it would have been lovely to meet Peter but I feel I know him, you can tell by his photo what a kind gentle Man he was..XX
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Re: Peter

Post by Ugly Betty » Fri Nov 02, 2007 7:37 pm

Awww, Jim, planting that tree in Peter's memory was a lovely
thing to do. Hopefully, over time, it will become a place where
you can go and remember him and your time together fondly,
without the pain and upset you're feeling now.

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