POLITICAL WIVES FARTING CONTEST
I will tell you a story that's certain to please,
Of a grand farting contest at Sittem-at-Ease.
Where all the best Rrs'es paraded in fields,
To compete for prizes and various shields.
Some lifted their Rrs'es to fart up the scale,
To compete for a cup or a barrel of ale.
Whilst those whose Rrs'es were biggest and strongest,
Competed in sections for loudest and longest.
In the fine summer evening, high expectation was in the air,
And the betting was even on Cherie Blair.
For the Standard had said in the evening edition,
That this lady's RR's was in perfect condition.
Now old Mrs. Beckett had a lovely backside,
With a bunch of red hair and a wart on each side.
She fancied her chance of winning with ease,
Having dined on a diet of cabbage and peas.
Mrs. Prescott arrived amid rounds of applause,
And promptly proceeded to pull down her drawers.
For though she'd no chance in a farting display,
She'd the prettiest RRs ever seen in a day.
Now Tessa Jowel was backed for a place,
But had recently fallen in deepest disgrace.
By farting in church and bending the organ,
And gassing the Verger, old Timothy Morgan.
The Vicar arrived and ascended the stand,
And then he addressed this remarkable band:
"The contest is on, as shown on the bills,
And no-one's allowed injections and p*lls".
The ladies lined up at the signal to start,
And Margaret Beckett was given first fart.
The people stood round in silence and wonder,
And likened the sounds to wild gales and thunder.
Then Cherie Blair was called to the front,
And proceeded by doing, a wonderful stunt.
With legs opened wide and with tightly clenched hands,
She blew off the roof of the barbeque stands.
But Tessa Jowel reckoned nothing of this,
She'd had some weak tea and was all wind and pss.
She took up her stance with legs opened wide,
But unluckily sh*t and was disqualified.
Now Pauline Prescott shyly appeared,
And smiled at the crowd as they lustily cheered.
For though it was thought she had no chance at all,
She beat the whole lot by out-farting them all.
With hands on her hips, she stood farting alone,
And the crowd were amazed at the sweetness of tone.
And the judges agreed, without hindrance or pause,
First prize Mrs. Prescott, so pull up your drawers.
She then walked to the rostrum, with unsteady gait,
And received from the Vicar, a set of gold plate.
Then she turned to the crowd, amazed at this scene,
And sang the first verse of God Save The Queen